Tragedy

This post needs to be written... and it needed to be separate from the last one.

There has been quite the roller coast ride since the last time I wrote about my Grandma Betty. I have been overwhelmed with kind words and support from my family, friends, and complete strangers. Thank you. I find when I am faced with trying to comfort someone that words fail me. I never feel as if I can find something to say - forget about the "right" thing, I can't seem to think of anything. I find it not only comforting, but a bit impressive when people are able to articulate themselves when offering condolences. I so appreciate those who have reached out to share their thoughts, experiences, well-wishes, and prayers. I never thought my rambling blog would bring such attention. I was surprised, and it truly warmed my heart. So thank you.

My dad's brother - my Uncle Lance - is a doctor. After my Grandma received her grim prognosis, my uncle got involved and "took charge" so to speak... There is some new and amazing technology available now. They are able to replace heart valves through a catheter in your groin - which is somewhat similar in how they do angioplasties. What is great about this procedure is you do not have to open up the rib cage to access the heart - so it is much less invasive. It would have been a good thing for my Grandma since she wasn't physically strong enough to withstand traditional surgery. This topic is something I am familiar with as I am keeping current on it because I'm hoping when the time comes that I need to have my valve replaced I will be able to have it done this way versus having open heart surgery (much less invasive and a quicker recovery time). The procedure is being done with increasing frequency in Europe, however in the US it does not have FDA approval and is still in the "experimental" phase. For more information look here. This surgery is currently being done as an experimental procedure at the University of Washington Medical Center - which as is happens is where my Uncle Lance went to medical school and where he still has hospital privileges. My uncle talked to some cardiologists at UW, got them to review my Grandma's case, and they agreed my Grandma would be a candidate for this surgery. It was certainly a better option than what she had been told by her doctors in Montana.

My Grandma was flown out to UW to have a few test done before she - hopefully - had the valve replacement surgery. She arrived in Seattle worse for wear, and it took her a few days to get back to a better state. After seeing my Grandma in person, the doctors decided she wasn't a candidate for the experimental valve replacement because her veins/arteries were too small for the equipment. They thought my Grandma might be able to have another "style" of valve replacement which was also considered still experimental. This procedure involved accessing the heart through the side and going in between the ribs. For more info click here. The doctors had to present my Grandma's case to a board for it to be approved (since it is "experimental"). Her case was turned down. The doctors decided, as a last ditch effort, to do a valvuloplasty. This procedure is done through a catheter in the groin and it uses a balloon (similar to an angioplasty) to simply open the valve up. For more info click here.The doctors thought this procedure would relieve my Grandma of her symptoms and buy her some time. She successfully underwent this procedure last week, but then took a turn for the worst last weekend. My dad, my Uncle Lance, and my Aunt Janet all gathered in Seattle to be with her. She seemed to recover from this setback, and my dad was beginning to research extended care facilities for her to stay in close to him when she returned to Montana (hopefully next week). When I spoke to my parents on the phone this evening I was informed that my Grandma has once again gone downhill. The doctors believe she somehow got something (fluid, water, or food) into her lungs. They tried many things but had no improvements. My uncle was able to get to Seattle to be with her... but her breathing is shallow, and it won't be long.

I had decided - after a lot of soul searching, talking, blogging - not to go home to say my good-byes. I'm glad I made that decision. I stand by it. I have wonderful memories of my Grandma and they are not clouded by any of the terrible images of this final struggle. I know in my heart she knows how special she is to me and how much I love her. That is all that matters. I have decided I do want to go home for her funeral. Not to much to say good-bye - I will do that in my own time, in my own way - but to be there as a support for my dad, my aunt, and my uncle. I want to console them and do what I can to help. Now the big question... is when. Nobody plans on a funeral. It is something which is sudden, and frankly inconvenient for everyone involved. Plans much be changed, schedules rearranged. And that is what I will do, because my family is what is important and home is where I need to be.