A Pregnant Man

Vega was fine. I should have been worried about Josh.

Josh woke me up at 3 AM Thursday morning with intense pain in his side. He attempted to do some things to ease the pain, but around 4 AM he asked me to take him to the ER. Josh is pretty tough and never complains about anything. I knew if he was asking me (willingly) to take him to the ER it must be pretty bad. We got to the hospital (the same one I was at back in November) around 4:15. Thursday was a German holiday. When it is a holiday in Germany everything is closed and nothing gets done. Apparently this applies to hospitals as well. After filling out paperwork we waited for an hour (in a hospital that was dead quiet and had no one else waiting. However, how different is this from the states?) before Josh was seen. The doctor quickly ruled out the appendix or kidney stones, and stated Josh was having some sort of intestinal infection and would have to be admitted (sounds like a familiar story).

They gave Josh an IV filled with some pain relievers and he attempted to relax while I filled out more paperwork for him to be admitted. After this was done, a nurse checked on us, told us someone would be down to move him to a room shortly, and then left. This was at 6:30. Josh tried to nap and I read a book. Around 8:30 I left the hospital to go to an appointment I had on base (after Josh pushed me to leave assuring me he would be fine). After my appointment I gave Josh a call to see how he was doing and what room he was in... and I discovered he was still sitting in a bed in the ER with an empty IV bottle attached to him... four hours later. Furious doesn't even begin to describe what I felt. I was still on base, so I got the number for the Patient Lesion Officer at the hospital and attempted to call it many times on my way back to the hospital (illegally driving and talking on a cell phone) with no luck. I arrived at the front desk of the hospital and asked for the PLO. I was informed no one was working because it was a German holiday. I asked the worker if she spoke English, which she did... to which I said, "Let me explain this to you. Someone's ass is about to be mine..." And apparently... that translates across all languages... because within minutes Josh was moved into a room and had fresh pain meds. Again, not one of my finer moments (which happens more frequently than it should), but it needed to be said. Just taking care of business.

To make a very long story short... poor Josh did the nasty prep work for an endoscopy/colonoscopy (because in Germany these seem to be regular, standard tests for stomach problems) for nothing as they discovered he did, indeed, have a kidney stone. We spent Friday with me coaching Josh to constantly drink water and us walking laps around the hospital in an attempt to get the stone moving. We weren't successful. The doctor, in an attempt to help get the stone moving, place a stint-type thing to expand the space. Hopefully within the next few days the stone will pass on its own. If not, the doctor and Josh will have to discuss other options.

To place the stint was technically a surgical procedure, although it was done within about 20 minutes and was done under a light anesthesia (think endoscopy or wisdom teeth). I wasn't at the hospital when Josh had this done but was one my way. He called me when he was done, and this is a brief overview of our conversation (for your entertainment pleasure):
Josh: "Hey. I'm done. I feel drunk."
Me: "Ah. I see. Well, I'm on my way. Do you need anything?"
J: "YES! SNACKS!!!"
M: "Snacks? Okay... what do you want?"
J: "SNACKS!!!!"
M: "Okay, but what kind of snacks? Do you want crackers, cookies, fruit...?"
J: "You know that chicken in the fridge? You should make me a chicken and cheese sandwich."
M: "Chicken? You want chicken? Uh... okay."
I went on base to get a few snack items for him (not chicken), and I called him again to see if he was more "sober" and if he had any requests (again). He had no memory of talking to me earlier, which only made the previous conversation funnier.

Luckily Josh is feeling much better now and he is home from the hospital. I have never experienced kidney stones (thank God), but I have heard many people say it is as painful as child birth. I have been frequently teasing Josh saying, "Hey babe, just think. This is just like having a baby!" He doesn't seem to find this as funny as I do... but he has started to joke with me saying he can't wait to give birth to this stone.