Failing resolutions

I was going to start this post by saying that I am keeping up with my goal (resolution) to try not to stress and to take things as they come on the topic of us staying in Germany. Instead this morning I had a mild panic attack. It is January 10th and I've pretty much already botched my resolution. Hmm. Pretty typical for me. I made it a whole ten days.

Surprisingly it wasn't me getting impatient and freaking out because I want to know what exactly is going to happen at this exact moment in time. I have been too busy thinking about moving, attempting to make plans for our move, and starting back to school to really focus on waiting for an answer. Instead what triggered my anxiety was a revelation I had in the middle of a video lecture this morning. I will be done with classes (barring any catastrophes or major problems) this summer. I thought I would be done this coming winter. Although it's not that much sooner, I really wasn't prepared mentally for the idea of being done sooner. I had thought (hoped) I would have made contact with people on base in health education-esk fields by now. It made me start to think about what I want to do next (all while still "watching" a video lecture)... and I realized I really can't make any decisions about the future until we know if we are staying or leaving. If we are leaving I can't make any decisions until I know where we are headed.

If we stay here, I would ultimately like to try to find a job on base to utilize my new degree. I am hoping I can find something in the public health department of the hospital, or the health education component of the gym. I would like to gain experience once I have the fancy new piece of paper in hand, and honestly I'd like to be done commuting an hour to work. But... in a way it is hard to face the idea of saying goodbye (temporarily? I don't know) to hygiene. And to say goodbye to my fabulous paycheck. But. Then again, having my Masters degree could open the door to a great contractor position on base which would be an equally wonderful paycheck. Money isn't really such a big deal, but it is hard to adjust to a smaller income.

But what if we stay and (yet again) I can't find a job in the field? Or they don't think I have enough experience? I thought a lot about these possibilities... and came to the conclusion that I am just crazy enough to consider the idea of going on for more fancy pieces of paper and initials behind my name. Now don't ask me anything beyond that, because I wasted a good half hour today trying to answer questions for myself and couldn't.

And then there is the what if we can't stay... then what? I guess I haven't really even gotten that far yet. I guess I'll think about that one when I have a direction. Oh. Well hey there. Maybe my resolution is still in place? Eh? Letting things go and trying not to stress over what I can't control.

Anyways. The silver lining to all this is two things: at the end of summer I should have my Masters and should *hopefully* have taken/passed my Certified Health Education Specialist (CHES) exam, and by Friday/Monday we should have an answer about our extension. So. I suppose I really only have to be patient and wait a few more days. Which, in a way, makes me even more nervous.