Homesick Blues

We spent another weekend without hot water. This is not the first time this has happened... and although I hope it would be the last, I doubt it will. I've complained about this before (as it has happened more than a few times). Our house is heated by oil, and our hot water comes from a large boiler in the basement. Occasionally the boiler (for whatever reason) will reset itself and we only realize this has happened when we attempt to take a shower and find only cold water. Other times the pilot in the boiler will blow out and needs to be re-lit. Both of these situations are taken care of by our landlady's son. The third possible reason for no hot water is because we are out of oil. On Saturday morning we awoke to find no hot water. This would be the fourth time since February. As I've said before, unfortunately in Germany... running out of oil on a Friday/Saturday means you are S.O.L. until Monday. It's not just showering either. No hot water means washing dishes is an even bigger chore, and it hinders laundry. I already have enough troubles convincing myself to get those chores done.

The moment we don't have hot water is the moment I want to spend hours in a hot bath. Convenient right? When I feel the urge to indulge in some hot water and I'm not able to, well, it makes me a little cranky. Maybe it was the lack of hot water and the frustration of having to deal with this situation yet again. Or maybe it's still me feeling a little blue after my parents left. Or possibly it was knowing Josh and I had a wonderful weekend together and I was going to have to leave in the morning for work and be away for part of the week. Either way... Sunday evening I was seriously homesick. As in, bawling on the couch as Josh (rather pathetic and helpless) watched and attempted to comfort me.

I believe I have done well with not getting homesick. Anytime I have felt homesick it has been directly attached to something where I have been stressed out or in a stressful/upsetting situation. With work I meet people frequently (women specifically) who are unhappy to be in Germany and long for the day they can return to the states. These people complain about everything and waste so many opportunities which are right in front of them. I am not one of those people. I know my situation over here is temporary (because it is. Yes, "temporary" that is measured in years, but temporary. We won't be here forever). I know whatever I dislike about it can't compare to the advantages and privileges we have over here. I am doing and seeing some amazing things. I am traveling to my heart's content. I have a job (which is hard to come by), it is a job in my field, and I am paid well.


But.

I miss my family. I feel as if I miss out on so many little things - but the little things are important. I miss getting to talk to people. I feel so disconnected from so many of my friends (and family members) because I so rarely get to talk to them. Simply calling someone is never simple. I long for the day when I can call someone without per-arranging a "date" when we will both be free and awake. I wish more people could call me at will instead of having to wait for me to call (bah, international numbers).

And on top of missing people... I think I (at times) just feel lonely. Josh is amazing. He is hands down my best friend. But I still need more than him - and I think any healthy person and relationship does. I am lucky to have found a few, true, good, close friends. I just can count those friends on one hand... and I don't get to see them that often as I work and live in two different places. I guess I never thought I'd be an adult at this age struggling to find or make friends. Part of what has made me feel this way is Josh and I have been talking about him deploying (no, it's not happening, we've been talking theoretically. However, he will be gone for 5 weeks either in June or July for training)... and I realize my "support system" over here is pretty weak. Very weak. I've got a couple of strong players, but not enough for a team. And that... more than lonely, is scary.

So I apologize for a post which is more just whiny and negative. It's something I try not to do. I just feel my homesickness has ran over from Sunday into today and it's hovering - much like the rain clouds outside. Blah. This girl could use a pick-me-up.