The job will never win

As of August 1st Josh started working mid-shift. To me, mid-shift sounded like a swing shift. That is because I'm a civilian, and we have crazy thoughts like call things by a name that makes sense. What mid-shift really is, at least at this base, is the night shift. Night shift (for Josh's shop) is from 10:30 pm (or 22:30 for those 24 hour folks. I will adapt, but I will not conform) until 6:30 am (06:30). The base is preparing for an inspection, and to get ready for it Josh's shop is working 10+ hour shifts until the inspection is over. For the time being his night shift runs from 10:30 until around 9 am. Luckily this shift change is temporary (how long "temporary" is I'm not sure). Josh got moved to this shift to work as a supervisor after some airmen got caught sleeping on the job. In this situation "supervisor" is a fancy word for babysitter. The night shift consists of two young airmen and Josh. Josh  - understandably - is not happy about having to work nights. He's even more unhappy about having to work nights because people can't keep their shit together. I try to be positive about the move when talking about work with Josh. However, after only working two nights with these boys and hearing stories about how work had gone... it appears that he truly is babysitting the Beavis and Butthead of the Air Force. Yesterday I made cookies (these turned out far better with less frustration than my banana bread. It is my second successful attempt at baking cookies. Cookies - it seems - bake well in German ovens). I packaged them up and told Josh to take them to work with him to share with "the kids." For the record, I baked cookies out of boredom, not with the intention or purpose of Josh taking them to work. Josh looked at the cookies and grumbled, "They don't deserve to have them." When I asked him this morning if he'd brought his cookies into work he informed me that they are in his car where they will stay. He plans to take some in with him only for his enjoyment every night because he "doesn't want to share with those assholes." Glad to see we are playing nicely with our co-workers.

When he found out he'd been placed on the night shift, Josh asked me if I was okay with it. I found this very funny. When has it ever mattered if someone is okay with what their spouse's shift is? Or what their own shift is for that matter? Do I get a say in it? Can I tell Josh's commander, the colonel, or the Air Force for that matter that I'm unhappy with the shift he's assigned to work? No, clearly I'm not "okay" with him working the night shift. It makes a lot of things more difficult. But do I have a choice in it? No. Since I don't have a choice then I'd better learn to be okay with it. I'm thankful my dad worked different shifts when I was a child growing up. It helped me to get used to him not being there sometimes, or being there at weird times. It also helped me learn what to do, or what not to do, during the day when someone is sleeping. The strangest part about Josh working this shift is that technically he's home with me for more hours in the day than he ever was. He's just sleeping during those hours. He may be home more hours, but the time that we have to spend together is definitely less. Of the time we do have to spend together, much of that is spent with Josh eating, showering, and generally functioning in a zombie-like sleep deprived state. It's a very strange feeling to know he is home with me - just feet away - and yet I'm still here by myself. In a way it is lonely. I think in the last two days it is the first time I have honestly felt lonely and home sick since I have been here. I'm not any less busy during the day, I still find plenty to do. My mind is active. But there is definitely an aspect that is lonely. Isolating.

There is something for me to take away from this - a challenge to myself - to take each day, and cherish it. To take the time I do get with Josh - however short that time may be - and enjoy it. Enjoy the time I do get to see him and not focus on all the time I am not seeing him. That is the challenge to myself. Take what you get, and be happy for it, or in spite of it. Show nothing but love and happiness, even when you are feeling bitter and lonely.

My dad worked at a paper mill for 22 years. Prior to that, he had worked other shift work jobs. For the first 25+ years of my parent's marriage they spent it in the balance of my father's various work shifts. Living with someone who works the night shift while you continue to function on "normal time" is not easy. Anyone who thinks it is hasn't been in this situation. On the night we got married, my mom told me her and my dad have always had an agreement about work: the job will never win. It made sense to me then, but the wisdom of those words seems more powerful now. I cannot think of a more fitting statement, or better advice than those simple words. Josh and I may just be passing by each other for the next few weeks, but the job will never win.